So I've recently joined another dating site again, against my better judgement. I've had a bit of a love hate relationship with them over the years, when I was younger I relied on them, but that was when I was in the 14st bracket and about 18 and I looked a lot better than I do now!
The main reason I joined is because at the end of this month I'll have been single for 3 years, and that fact kills me. I've had flings ever since, but nothing serious, and nothing for the last 8 months, and when I was sitting with my best friend Daniel (pictured above) I realised how much I miss the closeness of having someone else and being in a relationship.
Now the main problem I have with dating sites is this: the first picture is the sort of picture I'd post on a dating site, and the second is a more realistic view of what I look like. Admittedly the top picture is about a year old but it's the best example I have of me being dolled up and taking pictures in more flattering angles. I don't know about anyone else but I personally don't want to put 'bad' pictures of me up, and therein lies the problem.
It makes for a bit of a dilema, if I put a realistic picture of me up I know nobody would even be interested, but if I put one of the better angled pictures up then I get men talking to me left right and centre, but I know inside I'm misleading them, and then when I get to meet them in real life and they see the real me, they are often disappointed and sometimes annoyed, and I can't say I blame them. It's frustrating when you meet someone in real life who is nothing like you thought they'd be.
But now I've been talking to a lovely guy from nearby, and he's asking to see more pictures (he's only seen the top one) and I'm faced with a choice. Part of me is thinking I should take some realistic pictures so he can see 'all' of me, but then if he rejects me I'm going to feel crushed, or I can keep stretching the truth and risk losing him if I ever met him.
I'm thinking maybe I should just give up with the sites again, until I've lost a bit more weight and feel more comfortable with my appearance, but at the same time I really want to meet someone, not necessarily in real life but just someone to talk to, to feel wanted and special, even if it's not in real life just yet.
The problem is I'd show him the real pictures and explain I'm in the middle of losing weight, but 9 times out of 10 a man wouldn't care about that, and I know it's true that if he can't like me for who I am he's not worth it, but at the same time the rejection is the last thing I need when I'm so lonely as it is.
I just don't know what to do any more, and I'm not really looking for answers from anyone, I just needed to get it all off my chest.