First of all I realise I haven't done an update after my weigh in, but that will come eventually!
I went on that date on friday with the cadet I had previously mentioned, we just went to a pub in Southampton. It didn't start well because I was half an hour late due to my lack of organisation and traffic issues!
He seemed nice enough and we got on pretty well, conversation flowed pretty well although towards the end there were quite a few awkward silences. About 9pm (I'd been there an hour and a half) he said he didn't want to stay too much longer as he had course work to do, but I happened to notice he'd been not so secretly looking at his phone before he told me this, so chances are he'd had a better offer.
So I left and went home, pretty unsure as to how it all went. We got on, but it lacked the spark I was hoping for. I decided to just send him a text saying thanks and that I'd had a good time and see what happened from there, it's now been a day and a half since, and no reply, so I guess that is the end of that!
In the long run it's probably for the best it didn't work out, I can't cope with anything long distance, and I'd have struggled waiting 6 months for him to come back to work things out, but part of me is just a little bit gutted that he didn't reply to my text. Not because I wanted anything more from him, but to feel just a little bit wanted, like that he wasn't totally repulsed by me.
I have deleted my dating profile, and don't intend to go back on there until I am at least in the 14's, I can't face going through all the uncertainty of whether or not a man can cope with my weight, and I'd rather wait until I have a bit more confidence in myself.
I have learnt some valuable lessons from this, that I am stronger than to get too upset and consumed by one man who clearly isn't right for me, and that I can keep hold of my dignity. In the past I have been all too quick to jump into bed with men I meet on the internet and living to regret it, but I feel a great sense of pride that I have grown up from that and I have a lot more self respect.